Learning to let go...

Ugh. I think this post will be the most difficult one I have EVER wrote... But here it goes... Just two short months ago, my mom's boyfriend died. I wish that I didn't have to cry the tears. I know some people in this world- nay, in the two counties I live in- who are more cruel, heartless, selfish, and total (words I CAN'T say) that could have easily died that day. But why, why, WHY did it have to be him? Honestly, He was absolutely too kind for my family. His generosity was too great. Let me tell you something, he would give the shirt off of his own back to you. I wish he was still here. Honestly, I have been in a dark depression since he died. I couldn't go back to school for the rest of that week. I didn't want to get out of bed. I still don't. I miss our two-in-the-morning WalMart trips. I miss having Taco Bell almost every night. Most of all, I miss my life. He would go to more of my activities than my own father would. No my dad would have to work, so he has an excuse.
Back in September, Stacy said that he would video my 8Th Grade Promotion. Sadly, He died on April 5Th, 2011. My Promotion was on May 24, 2011. I couldn't stay for the reception it hurt so gosh darn bad. I went to the bathroom and cried. I called my mom to come get me. She tried to hold me, but I didn't want to be held. I wanted to suffer in the silence of my room without the humiliation of my friends seeing me cry. I miss him so much.
I used to hate him. MY parents are getting a divorce, and all of a sudden there is this guy sleeping on my mom's bed. What was I supposed to do? Be okay with it? Uh, no. I never wanted to. I did SLOWLY get close to him. But I learned that if I get to close to the edge, I WILL fall. So not going there again. I've been hurt twice too many times by men my mom has been with since I was born. This is the last time though. I will never get close to another one of my mom's boyfriends again. Okay Internet, you've heard my promise, make sure I stick to it please.
Stacy Seymour was unique. He was.... S. Smart. he was the most intellectual people I knew. T. talkative. He could ramble on for hours and hours! Ha ha. A. Awesome. I know this is a broad word, but that's just what he is. C. Crazy. Also another broad word. But as the last one, he is.
Stacy "Stac" Warren Seymour 12/14/70 - 4/5/11. You are desperately missed.